The wonderful world of twitter

I know it been a while sorry peeps.
This blog is about twitter. I joined for the first time about 2 years ago and never really got it so was hardly ever on. Then bout a year ago i decided to give it another go and plus my fella was always on it. I opened and account added my fella and he gave me some recommendations. 2 of my longest followers  @jillgibb and @sharonstjohnny2 have been amazing helped me through some bad times and am now very close to them and hope to meet up in the very near future.
Obviously i can't name all my followers but i do love u all very much. Some i feel like i could tell them anything and it wouldn't change our friendship others im just really close to but know some things u just can't say to them.
I've already meet up with two great ladies @fionalthompson who is absolutely awesome she never fails to make me smile love her to bits. And secondly @bigbirdylol who has a heart of gold and has been amazing to me.
Twitter is a very strange powerful place to be part of and most of the people are amazing.
When my fella got diagnosed with cancer the wonderful support on twitter is wat got us through the warm thoughts and hugs sent from you all was truely overwhelming and without that we would of probably broke down. But with the step by step support of our twitfam we battled through and he has now just finished his last block of chemo.
I would just like to mention my lovely new followers are fantastic and can feel we will be close too. Everyone should join the powerful world of twitter and feel loved every day of the week. 
Come back soon lovelies xx

Mother and daughter bond

I know i know its been a while but all set up on my tablet now so will try do some more.

So a mother and daughter should have a special bond yes, well not in my case me and my mum never seemed that close.</p>
My brother was always the fave with my mum and maybe i distanced myself from her from the start. Think she slightly resented me cos of the relationship with my dad. One of the reasons me and my mum don't get on is cos she is so much for my brother it really upsets me. It was me that saved her from getting beaten it was me that trailed to the hospital every weekend.

See my mum hit the drink when her and my dad split. Bacardi was her poison every day from 12 she would pour glass after glass till she went to bed. She drunk herself into a stuper and that's when the suicide attempts came. First the exhaust trick although that's hard to do when u have a catalyst converter on ur car. Then came the pills many a saturday night was spent trying to drag her into the hospital before she sobered up enough to escape just to get her stomach pumped and then the two hour journey home as she fell into bushes peed herself before i had to drag her into a taxi.

Then she got into bad relationships one of which was violent but she wouldn't tell anyone which led to her having a tragic accident just after having my first child. She fell (although we think she was pushed) from a three storey building she was lucky to be alive but couldn't do nowt for herself so i ended up looking after her in my kitchen in a hospital bed for nine months and a newborn was very tough. My mum forgets bout all I've done for her and still treats my bro like he's the best thing since sliced bread but through all this he was never there it was me every time.
Think i feel like i owe her for what happened with my dad cos still blame myself but maybe its time i grew some balls and stood up to her yes she's my mum but that doesn't give her an excuse to treat me like crap after everything I've done for her.

Think she feels like i broke away too early at 15 and I've not really needed her as a daughter should need her mum but ya know she brought it on herself I've done my bit time to get on with my life now.

Thanks for reading come Bk soon.

The 411

I know it's been a while been hard to think about what to write.
So u all have heard what it's like from Richards point of view so thought I'd give u the low down on what it's like for a partner.

It was all a shock at first chemo number 1 came round so quick. They took him in for 4 days I felt a little relived that they could keep a eye on what was going on. I went to visit every day and he didn't seem too bad. The day came to let him home which is when I got the first glimpse of what the chemo was gonna do. The day of home time they put back the time he was allowed home and with this came incredible hulk I asked a question and got publicly humiliated with a nasty sweary tweet which brought me to tears.
I was still a bit angry but once rich got home he was a emotional wreck holding back the tears I hugged him n reassured him he would be ok. The nxt few days were filled with sickness and bed rest it was hard listening to him being sick but rest was the best place by Monday he seemed to b coming out the other side.

Chemo 2 seemed to be here in a flash this was worse than the first constantly sick for 3 whole days I rang nurse as I was terrified he would dehydrate, i got told off cos rich was worried he would have to stay in but im not just gonna sit back and watch him be sick like that. They gave him some new pills which really helped.

However the sickness isn't the worse part it's the not knowing wat mood is coming I feel like I'm walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting him.

I don't sleep every night I cry myself into slumber but I'm awakened by fears by half 2. Wondering what the day is going to bring am I gonna get nice rich or nasty rich. I never seem to stop so many things to take care off. I would say I get about 2-3 days a month where I can see a slight glimpse of the man I fell in love with rest of the time I'm alone I feel like I don't have a boyfriend anymore I'm just here to look after him like it's a job I suppose. Half the time we sit in silence the slightest thing puts him in a bad mood. It's changed me as a person too I'm withdrawn and not as bubbly sometimes I'm so angry I want to scream at everyone but I don't.

The worse thing for me is that I'm slipping bk into the person I once hated n it scares me to death. It takes all the strength I have to get up in a morning but then I paint the smile back on my face and get on with the day.

In the past 4 months my heart is slowing breaking every nasty comment threats of violence and the silent treatment chips away another little piece. I hope by end of September it will b fixed and the man I once knew will come back.
It's a heartbreaking thing to watch a once happy strong man slip away and I struggle every day to keep going but I do for the children.

I know it's a bit sad but needed to be said thanks for reading x


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My job

Hey guys sorry it's been a while been a bit of a rollercoaster lately , not going to bore you with all that tho.

So when we moved to newsome 3 years ago I thought it was about time I got of my butt and got a job. Although never did I think I would be able to work in care I plucked up courage to walk on to the local nursing home and get enquire about a job.

They told me they only needed night staff to which I told them I could not work nights because I had two children. She gave me an application and told me to fill it in and bring it back just in case.
I did so and within a week they rang me for an interview, I was so nervous. I went along and after the interview they offered me the job I was over the moon.

Four weeks later, my crb came back I returned for my first training day I was so nervous. The first day went well although I just watched. The second day I got thrown in and think I did well and really enjoyed it.

From never thinking I could wipe old peoples bums I got right into my work and got attached to a few of the residents. The job is very hard work a typical morning shift consists of :- sitting people up and getting a couple dressed and ready for breakfast. Then feeding people their breakfast and collecting dishes as you go. After breakfast it's straight into get the rest of your floor dressed and presentable for the day ahead. Getting people out of bed who can't walk is a real back breaker even with the huge hoisting equipment we use. The people who are bed bound need rolling to change bedding and clothes changing. After floor is finished answering buzzers and writing reports is next mixed in with a 20 minute break. Then time for dinners running up and down three floors delivering trays of food, once all out it's time to feed collect and take empties back to kitchen. Same again with puddings. Dinner over it's time to toilet and check bed bound people plus making sure everyone is dry and comfortable. All reports must be written by two so the nurse can hand over and at half 2 we finish our shift.


With all that closeness it's hard not to get attached to people, which makes the job even harder because for most that home is their last stop in life.
Which brings me to my last point, before I left on maternity I got attached to a lovely man he was just like Santa big and jolly with a white beard. He was on oxygen constantly and had a night mask and a day mask which we had to change every morning and night. From the moment you took the mask off you had three minutes to put the other on, quite scary sometimes. We knew he was on his way out just as I went on maternity and he had only a few months left. He told me he wasn't going to go till I had the baby and he had seen her. I was 11 days over and he sadly passed away about three days before I was devastated.
That is the worst part of the job and I miss my job dearly just because of the characters you meet. I love all the residents very much and will visit regularly.


Thanks for reading hope you are not bored see you soon xx


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My confession

Hi my loyal blog readers hope u have all been well. I write this blog today just to clear up a little matter.

When I started to think about fancying boys I used to have this recurring dream. This man who never showed his face used to visit me in my dreams he was so heavenly and caring and just like a prince. This dream occurred nearly every night until I met rich better known on twitter as @richnank. It was like he was my dream come true I loved him after our first meeting but was scared to do anything about it. We have got through some tough times and come out stronger than ever. I couldn't imagine my life without him and I'm so jealous when women talk to him sends me red with rage. I see it this way if I think he's sexy handsome and gorgeous then why wouldn't other women.

I can't even begin to write in words how much I love him because quite frankly there isn't enough blog space. I will be by his side through everything he makes me so happy and rocks my whole world.
And even though my family don't want us to get married I will do everything I can to become his wife before this year is out. The shadow man disappeared when rich arrived in my life and he saved me from a non existent life for that he's my hero.

We have tough times ahead but I will never let go of him and will love him till the day I die.

Sorry I know it's a bit mushy but had to be done. See ya next time


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Me in a nutshell

Hi there hope u r all ok thanks for coming back.

So here is where I tell u why I'm insecure but I have strength to get through anything.

My mum had fella's in and out of her life when I was young. In they walked showed us affection and sometimes not then out they walked again leaving my mum alone and broken. This is the main reason why I wet the bed till I was 6. When mum and him(adopted dad) got married thought that was it good man who looked after us all, he turned out not to be much cop either. U can read the full story when I publish my book. Anyway I moved out at 16 cos I got sick of trying to stop my mum drinking and trying to commit suicide. My eldest boys dad treat me like crap took all the money stopped me having friends and cut up my clothes. My other sons dad was sleeping with my 14 yr old babysitter everytime I went to work. Then he hit the sprits and became violent grabbed me by the throat when I was 5 months pregnant.
In between all this I looked after my mum in a hospital bed in my kitchen for 9 months after her violent boyfriend threw her from a three story building, plus my eldest was only 4 months old.
I got dumped one boxing day by text. And the first year me n rich were together didn't go very smooth down to me being stubborn.

So I guess I've learnt over the years that sometimes lifes a bitch but if u stay strong willed and determined u will come out the other side with just a few bruises.

Thanks for reading I'll be back soon x


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Sad times

Hi there I know it's been a while sorry lost my mojo for a bit.

I'm not going to bore you going over what my partner @richnank had said, but just going to skim over my feelings.
Well as you know he went in for chemo last week, he seemed ok at first just a bit tired. Then came Thursday he wound himself up cos he thought he would be home by dinner only to find he had to have another drip. I felt helpless and upset that he wouldn't let me visit.
I had previous had a major upset on Tuesday when one of my closest twitter friends left, and being without rich was unbearable.
Anyway after rich had got mad and swore at me, which broke me to tears my mum rang the ward to find out he would be coming home within the hour thank god. It got to bout quarter 6 and he turned up in a taxi, he got through the door and started to cry. I bent down in front of him and tried to assure him everything would be ok. Trying to hold back the tears, it was breaking my heart seeing him like that, I managed to calm him down. The next few days were rough and must admit I cried a couple of times when noone was looking. He started to come round Sunday and by Monday was much better, we arranged a twitter party for his birthday Tuesday was looking forward to it.
Then came a tweet that really upset me an amazing lady who had been there and got me through the week was leaving twitter. I must name her @sharonstjohnny is a wonderful lady who kept me smiling when I felt low I was gutted to think I couldn't talk to her again. I've now found her again and we still talk I hope I don't lose her again.

One last thing thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who had supported us through twitter ur all amazing. And thanks those who came to rich twitter party really cheered me up had a ball.

Bye for now thanks fir stopping by.


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